I'd Cry (Poem)

By Halima Nalo Afi

As salaamu Alaikum,
I was sitting before fajr one day thinking why I can’t cry. I feel sad that I am lazy and procrastinating. I feel sad that others are suffering and I am not helping or even supplicating. I feel deeply connected to the Shayks speech and was even motivated. Are tears only for the pure. Trying to keep my intention for this reflecting and follow through on this inspirational moment and having thankfulness for His gifts but... the movie that I last saw kept creeping into my thoughts. And I said to myself I finally believe in the way TV is a shaytaanic device. The TV memories was keeping me from keeping my train of thought solely on Allah subhanna wa ta Allah. I was again disappointed but glad to finally give priority to Allah and see my error. I only pray that we all hold fast to this deen. Ameen. This is the poem that followed those moments, Bismillah...

I’d Cry
By Halima Nalo Afi

I can’t cry
All the gratefulness and patience in my heart is dry

I can’t feel
All the mercifulness and vigilance of limbs are only surreal
Only connection to intricacies of life is on the TV or video reel

I’d cry if I had to share
Whoever I attempt to provide for or give generously I resent
The only way to please me is to reciprocate with a present

I’d cry if I had to accept moderation
I must refill with a material gain or power
I appreciate the finer things, if not a rose then no flowers

I’d cry if I had to live without hatred
Who ever hates I enjoy them for it only stimulates me to instigate
No tragedy in an argument only a chance to litigate

I’d cry if I couldn’t say hurtful things to others
Whoever stands in my way will receive great harm one way or another
I lash out at others and if you want me to apologize I don’t even bother

I’d cry if I had to go on living this way
Only the consistency of ibadaat will bring tears for me to bathe
Only the turning away from making partners with Allah will bring Angels by the waves
Only way to climb out of cravings of the nafs is to fast for the sake of Allah
InshAllah, my heart will submit
In the actions of Rasulullah find benefit
Put my head on the earth and repent
Before my life in this world is spent…