Wanna Get Married? Here's Some Advice :)

Once there was a very handsome, pious, well educated young man, whose
parents emphasised for him to get married. they had seen so many marriage
proposals, and he had turned them all down. The parents thought it was
becoming a little ridiculous or suspected that he may have someone else in
mind.

However every time the parents left the girls house, the young man would
always say "She's not the one!"

The young man only wanted a girl who was religious and practicing. (Which
was hard to find)? However one evening his mother arranged for him, to meet
a girl, who was religious, and practicing.

On that evening, the young man, and girl, were left to talk, and ask each
other questions. (As one would expect).

The young man, being a gentleman that he was allowed, the lady to ask
first. The young girl asked the young man soooo many questions. She asked
about his life, his education, his friends, his family , his habits, his
hobbies, his lifestyle, his enjoyment, his pastime, his experiences.
Basically everything.

And the young man replied to all of her questions, without tiring, and
politely, with a smile the young girl took up nearly all of the time, over
an hour, and felt bad, and asked the young man, "Do you have any questions?"
The young man said, "It's okay. I only have 3 questions."

The young girl thought, "Wow, only 3 questions. Okay, shoot."

The young man's first question was:

1) Who do you love the most in the world, someone who's love nothing would
ever overcome?

She said, "This is an easy question. my mother."

He smiled.

The second question he asked was:

2) "You said that you read a lot of Qur'an, could you tell me which surahs
you know the meaning of?"

Hearing this she went red and embarrassed and said, "I do not know the
meaning of any yet, but i am hoping to soon. InshAllah. I've just been a bit
busy."

The third question the young man asked was:

3) I have been approached for my hand in marriage, by girls that are
prettier than you, why should I marry you?

Hearing this the young girl was outraged. She stormed off to her parents
with fury and said, "I do not want to marry this man. He is insulting my
beauty and intelligence."

And the young man and his parents, were once again, left without an
agreement of marriage. This time, the young man's parents were really angry,
and said, "What did you do to anger that girl? The family were so nice and
pleasant and they were religious like you wanted. What did you ask the
girl?? Tell us! "

The young man said," Firstly, I asked her, 'Who do you love the most?' She
said her mother."
The parents said "So, what is wrong with that??"
The young man said, "No one, is Muslim, until he loves Allah, and his
Messenger(SAW) more than anyone else in the world.If a woman loves Allah and
the Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) more than anyone, she will
love me and respect me, and stay faithful
to me, because of that love, and fear for Allah (swt). And we can share this
love, because this love is greater than lust for beauty."

The young man said, "Then I asked, 'You read a lot of Qur'an, can you tell
me the meaning of any surah?' She said 'No. because I haven't had time yet.'
So I thought of that hadith "ALL humans, are dead except for those who have
knowledge." She has lived 20 years and not found ANY time, to seek
knowledge, why would I marry a woman, who does not know her rights, and
responsibilities, and what will she teach my children, except how to be
negligent, because the woman IS the madrasa (school) and the best of
teachers. And a woman who has no time for Allah, will not have time for her
husband."

The third question I asked her was that a lot of girls prettier than her,
had approached me for marriage. Why should I choose her? That is why she
stormed off, getting angry.

The young man's parents said "That is a horrible thing to say, why would you
do such a thing? We are going back there to apologise."

The young man said. "I said this on purpose, to test whether she could
control her anger. The Prophet(SAW) said "Do not get angry, do not get
angry, do not angry" when asked how to become pious because anger is from
Satan. If a woman cannot control her anger with a stranger she has just
met, do you think she will be able to control it with her husband?"

So, the moral of this story is that a marriage is based on knowledge, not
looks, practice, not preaching, forgiveness, not anger spiritual love, not
lust and compromise One should look for a person who 1) Has love for Allah
(SWT) and the Messenger (SAW). 2) Has knowledge of the deen, and can act
upon it. 3) can control anger and another important and crucial factor: that
she be 4) willing to compromise. *And it goes both ways, so women seeking
a man, should look for the same things. *

-From an email

Question of Incorporation

Welcome back, Dear Bloggers!

An interesting question came up when viewing ABC News' "What would you do"
showing Islamophobia in action and bystanders' reactions (both positive and negative)

Thus, the questions kept coming to mind: What extent can Muslims "fit in" and incorporate in the American landscape without compromising their true, core beliefs?

For example, the hijab is meant to be a form of protection, a way in which Muslim women are distinguished from non-Muslim women. The niqab (face veil) is not understood at all because it is very unique in the West, but I would say the purpose of the niqab is to be able to freely get work done, interact with others, etc. without fearing illicit gazes or interactions from the opposite gender, a step more cautious than just the hijab (I guess the West may call the niqab "ultra-conservative" if they understood its purpose?) How else would you describe the niqab to non-Muslims who are not yet completely comfortable with the hijab?

This is something that I would like to fully understand in the American context -- the extent of "incorporating" into society without compromising Islam. It is possible.

Also, what defines "American", and how can Muslims integrate, and be accepted in the American mainstream, without having to lose their chosen identity (i.e., their particular form of modest dressing such as their hijab, or headcoverings)?

Any thoughts?