Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Discussion: Muslim Guy Shortage?!

I've noticed in our Muslim communities that there are plenty of single, religious, educated, Muslim sisters, yet there is a great lack of like-minded brothers available for marriage. Thus, we have sisters in their late 20s and 30s who desire to get married but cannot find suitable prospectives.

Why do you think this is the case? Is it due to the Muslim brothers not bothering about the Deen so they are not at par with our active, religious sisters? Or do you think it's a demographical problem? What do you think?

Please share your views, comments and observations.


  1. Brother2:44 PM

    I think the main causes of that are

    1. Lack of outwardly appearance of being a Muslim sometime warrants an automatic license to "get your game on"

    2. the hip hop culture is too dominating...

    wallahu a'lam

  2. Anonymous2:45 PM

    Someone should totally have a session on the radio addressing that--maybe have umm hassan and imam zaid on. and have ppl call in to give their two cents!!! thatd be reallllly interesting. personally i just think there are more girls than guys. i knwo when i was growing up, there were tons more girls. whereas in my sister's age group, there were more guys. but i really dont know what happens...maybe guys have more freedom here? or they are not that encouraged to study the deen in depth vs. dunya-studying? its a strange phenomenon.

  3. Subhanallah, I think this is a very real senario that you are depicting here... I think a great deal of it has to do with culture... Families fear for the 'disgrace' that a daughter might bring their family if she were to be let loose, but the son, oddly enough is not seen as a disgrace to the family when he stays out with the guys all night. I'm not saying girls should be let out till late too, that is totally not my point. In fact I think that both boys and girls should be raised to attach their hearts to the masajid and should strive to always find activities with their fellow Muslims. In many places, there are youth groups for girls, but not for boys. Positive leadership and wholesome peer groups are the only way for these boys and girls to grow up to be pious brothers and sisters... I agree with the Brother who posted earlier about "getting your game on." I think the brothers are somehow urged into unIslamic behavior by all that is around them, and somehow their growth into mature men is stunted by it... May Allah guide us all back to his straight path and keep us unfaltering in our faith and commitment to His Way.

  4. I agree with eemann, it seems that muslim parents are more protective and worried about their daughters in this society and are not as protective over their sons. This allows guys to follow their desires and attach themselves to bad company. All the while, the girls are able to protect themselves from such company and obtain knowledge of the deen. Nowadays this can be done very easily at home via the internet (e.g. online islamic classes.)

    On the whole, witnessing the environment on campus and, how muslim girls, and muslim guys uphold themselves; it seems that muslim girls are more deen oriented than muslim guys.

  5. sister said...3:55 PM

    then what happens is that at the end of the day the guy wants a 'good muslim girl' to settle down with. a girl who has not done the same things he has done.

    May God forgive us all.

  6. Anonymous7:47 PM

    I agree with what's been posted so far, that young girls are more protected from falling into any bad environment, which leads to their becoming more deen-oriented. We need to have more youth groups for boys and girls, for boys especially since they will be growing up to the models and leaders of our ummah and protectors for our women.

  7. Bint Muhammad7:10 AM

    I totally agree with all the comments, especially with what 'sister said' had to say, I clearly remember speaking to someone, who actually confessed to this statement, despite their own unislamic lifestyle and mentality, they want to marry a 'shareef larki'!
    I personally don't find that fair,
    May Allah bless us all with spouses who are the best for us. Amin

  8. Anonymous8:53 AM

    Comments so far make sense. Yes sisters are more educated, sisters are more protected, and sisters do have more activities then young men. Ok we know all that. But at the end a Brother is looking for this pious Sister, but what happen is that a sister will refuse not to be with this brother because he does not have an equal education etc. But we Sisters forget that even though this Brother does not have what we are looking for he can always gain it as long as you agree up on it, support each other whether it is getting a higher education, and grow Islamic or what ever. Time comes with Knowledge. Also we can not only blame it on the sisters, it is the family as well they do not want their daughter to marry a brother out side their own kind or from another country, or ask for Mahr that an honest person can not afford. Parents forget about the Islam and maybe the sister too Allah u A'lam. They forget that marriage is Sunna and Islam does not know discrimination. We all should be open to one another.
    Another is Brother these day are afraid of commitment and responsibility, but that is to blame on the society we live in and on the person too, because if you are a true Muslim you do not let your self get socked in this material mentality and have trust in Allah swt and he will make it easy on you and your future family.
    We should all make dua's and Allah swt give you only what you can handle. This is something we should address to our Imams and leaders of the Muslim community. We also have to require, demand from them that we Muslims need to unite and become one and that is to start with: having all the people from different mosques reach out to one another. Know about each others activities, gatherings, just name it. We Muslims in Western country are trying so hard to reach out to the non-Muslims, but we forget about our own fellow Muslims. Something to think about as well.:-) African, Asian, European, North, South American, Russian we are all Brothers and Sisters in the Islam. You are not better or less then another.
    Your Sister in the Islam

  9. Anonymous9:30 AM

    i think the really question at hand is DEFINE "Muslim Guy" that i mean....american muslim or non american muslim, rich poor, Green card holder, visa holder etc

    I ve lived in the US for 7 years now, and what i have observed (atleast on the east coast) religious as some girls maybe, they are still looking for some righteous TOM CRUISE looking guy....that is girls are still picky on the guys looks...the guys money status....HECK even his visa status.

    I think its a problem generated by both sides....american muslim guys arent all that religious and if they are they dont care about their appearance, and american muslim girls if they are religious then they are looking for the Religious+Dunya guy.....

    so if u are an american muslim girl, looking for that righteous husband, BUT he isnt him out....after all u cant do UMRA and HAJJ with out his help of becoming ur mahram

    jazakallah for reading